* 200 articles. Two years. Whelk. The best of Upsideclown. Might be reprinted.

The online life of bigplaty47

18 September 2002
Matt has been reconstructing.

(After August 22 2002 there are no further entries.)

22 August 2002: IM extract

call_me_katy: hey honey why weren't you there???

call_me_katy: i waited for two hours!! :(

call_me_katy: is something wrong sweetie..... are you there??

call_me_katy: i thought u really cared i thought you wanted me

call_me_katy: were u just stringing me along?????

call_me_katy: that's so unfair, to use me like that.

call_me_katy: why weren't you there???? say something!!!!!

call_me_katy: I'M CRYING i thought i knew you, i thought i might love you

call_me_katy: and you do this, you did this

call_me_katy: YOURE MAKING ME CRY

call_me_katy: you have no heart. no heart at all

bigplaty47 has signed off.

22 August 2002:

tonight!!!!!! [6.13PM]

17 August 2002:

btw, am meeting k. for the 1st time IRL next week!!!!!!!!! [2.21AM]

16 August 2002:

just been AIMing with k. about sam and dave. they'll be in the middle of their holiday at the mo, probably going to loads of clubs and meeting loads of fit birds. it's really funny but i'm not pissed with them at all now. if they hadn't knifed me i'd be on holiday so i wouldn't be here and if i wasn't here i wouldn't have met k. so that's lesson 2, every cloud has a silver lining! [11.51PM]

i found a great link! do you reckon this guy will realise that collecting underpants makes him a FREAK? man there's some weird people out there. [2.04PM]

10 August 2002: IM extract

call_me_katy: saw yr post yesterday :(

bigplaty47: hi d! yeah

call_me_katy: you don't need friends like that. do without dave and sam

bigplaty47: look after #1, that's what i say now. lesson learned i reckon

call_me_katy: don't be like that! *some* friends are worthwhile ;)

bigplaty47: mmm sooome friends. what kind of friend are you?? ;>

call_me_katy: wouldn't you like to know :p

bigplaty47: maybe i would.......... lol

call_me_katy: do u have a photo? mine is here

bigplaty47: hey is that you! you might be a "worthwhile" friend!!

bigplaty47: ;)

bigplaty47: you there???? oops!

bigplaty47: katy?????????

call_me_katy: just being called for supper! gotta go

call_me_katy: another photo :)

bigplaty47: ..... :D wooo!

call_me_katy: xxxxxxx

call_me_katy has signed off.

9 August 2002:

why do people have to be so shit? (seriously now guys) .... okay so a bit of story. at the beginning of last term (easter!) i was talking with dave and sam loads about going on hols. we planned tenerife and we found a hotel and everything. it was going to be wicked. just so you know readers, i've know dave since i was 11 and sam since i was 14. i grew up with dave... we used to hang around town together and last summer had a wicked time out on the pull. i let him drive my car. sooooo in july, we're about to all book tenerife and dave says he hasn't got enough money and then sam says 2 people is rubbish for a piss-up holiday so he doesn't want to come either, and it falls to bits.

THEN LAST NIGHT we're at the pub and giving it a bit of chat and i say "out on the pull tonight then?" (that tonight as in tonight not yesterday night) and dave goes "uh" and sam goes "um, got a plane tomorrow". and they're going to ibiza together! leaving me!!! they didn't even say!!!!!!

all that time dave was saying he was poor, him and sam were planning behind my back. well who needs them. who needs people like that.

you learn lessons in life. well this is lesson #1: you can't trust anyone apart from YOURSELF. other people just want to stitch you up and rip your guts out, and friends are just people waiting for the chance. i don't need em. [1.50PM]

4 August 2002:

sorry!!1 haven't hd much time for surfing the world wide web for you today, readers, so no cool games...... but i got my first email from all you out there!! hello katy!! [8.10PM]

1 August 2002:

2 things today -- numero uno KITTENS. and number 2, you're gonna love this flash. so ultra cool. (um and HELLO WORLD. is this what they call a first post? ^_^) [6.32PM]

31 July 2002: System log extract

[Log level 5] Initial boot sequence complete

[Log level 5] Axon matrix initialised

[Log level 5] Neural cluster abstraction matrix initialised

[Log level 5] Tree-parser weighted and pre-calculated

[Log level 5] Counterfactual engine booted

[Log level 5] External reality shroud initialised

[Log level 5] External interfaces initialised

[Log level 5] Internal and external environment linked

[Log level 5] Connection to public internet established

[Log level 5] Personality loaded

[Log level 5] Memory backstory: Unfrozen... Loaded

[Log level 5] Boot sequence complete

[Log level 5] Simulation "bigplaty" version Running


This is the fucking archive

Current clown:

18 December 2003. George writes: This List

Most recent ten:

15 December 2003. Jamie writes: Seven Songs
11 December 2003. Dan writes: Spinning Jenny
8 December 2003. Victor writes: Rock Opera
4 December 2003. Matt writes: The Mirrored Spheres of Patagonia
1 December 2003. George writes: Charm
27 November 2003. James writes: On Boxing
24 November 2003. Jamie writes: El Matador del Amor; Or, the Man who Killed Love
20 November 2003. Dan writes: Rights Management
17 November 2003. Victor writes: Walking on Yellow
13 November 2003. Matt writes: Disintermediation
(And alas we lost Neil, who last wrote Cockfosters)

Also by this clown:

4 December 2003. Matt writes: The Mirrored Spheres of Patagonia
13 November 2003. Matt writes: Disintermediation
23 October 2003. Matt writes: Topology
2 October 2003. Matt writes: Haunted
8 September 2003. Matt writes: The Gardener's Diary
21 August 2003. Matt writes: The Starling Variable
31 July 2003. Matt writes: Two stories
14 July 2003. Matt writes: What is real?
23 June 2003. Matt writes: Mapping and journeys
29 May 2003. Matt writes: Extelligence
5 May 2003. Matt writes: Religious experiences
17 April 2003. Matt writes: Seeing the Light
27 March 2003. Matt writes: Flowering
10 March 2003. Matt writes: Climax state
10 February 2003. Matt writes: The Role of Cooperation in Human Interaction
20 January 2003. Matt writes: The same old subroutine
2 January 2003. Matt writes: New beginnings
9 December 2002. Matt writes: Packet Loss
18 November 2002. Matt writes: Wonderland
31 October 2002. Matt writes: Having and losing
10 October 2002. Matt writes: Trees of Knowledge
19 September 2002. Matt writes: The online life of bigplaty47
29 August 2002. Matt writes: Divorce
8 August 2002. Matt writes: How to get exactly what you want
18 July 2002. Matt writes: Eleven Graceland endings
27 June 2002. Matt writes: Listopad, Prague 1989
3 June 2002. Matt writes: Engram bullets
6 May 2002. Matt writes: Sound advice
15 April 2002. Matt writes: How it all works: Cars
21 March 2002. Matt writes: Proceeding to the next stage
25 February 2002. Matt writes: Spam quartet
31 January 2002. Matt writes: Person to person
7 January 2002. Matt writes: All for the best
13 December 2001. Matt writes: Life
19 November 2001. Matt writes: Giving is better than receiving
25 October 2001. Matt writes: Ludo
1 October 2001. Matt writes: Gifts, contracts, and whispers
6 September 2001. Matt writes: The world is ending
13 August 2001. Matt writes: The Church of Mrs Bins
16 July 2001. Matt writes: Things I Don't Have
25 June 2001. Matt writes: Fighting the Good Fight
31 May 2001. Matt writes: Code dependency
7 May 2001. Matt writes: Up The Arse, Or Not At All
5 April 2001. Matt writes: The increasing nonlinearity of time
19 March 2001. Matt writes: Hit Me Baby, One More Time
22 February 2001. Matt writes: Space, Matter, Cities, Sausages
29 January 2001. Matt writes: Truth in Advertising
1 January 2001. Matt writes: Six predictions for tomorrow
7 December 2000. Matt writes: You must reach this line to ride
16 November 2000. Matt writes: The truth about the leopard
23 October 2000. Matt writes: Shopping mauls
28 September 2000. Matt writes: Heavy traffic on the road to Utopia
4 September 2000. Matt writes: Sixty worlds a minute
17 July 2000. Matt writes: You, Me, and Face-space

Let meeeeeee entertain you

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Material is (c) respective authors. For everything else, there's

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