* 200 articles. Two years. Whelk. The best of Upsideclown. Might be reprinted.

Walking on Yellow

17 November 2003
Victor apologizes for trivializing Burroughs

Black: Jaguar XJ6 Sport with registration P60 PJW parked up with two old dears (he Pringle sweater, she Sunny Mann glasses); discarded pre-packed sandwich boxes; gorse burnt back; King Charles spaniel nosing around the Thursday market.

Yellow: oak leaves; beads from broken bracelet; hydrant signs; single and double road markings; wait; price tag on stone pillar reading "HIGH"; fascia for discount store; the new Rover Streetwise; gold-plated jewellery at the Thursday market; Retriever; some burglar alarms; "safety" buckets on building sites.

Blue: Salt and Vinegar (excl. Walkers); photos of sea in estate agents' windows and boards; fascia for discount store; The National Lottery; Union Jack flag; swinging sign on pavement for "Save Our Soles" shoe repairs and key cutting; other burglar alarms; coat of animated dummy of key-cutter; door to disabled public toilet.

Green: holly and ivy; "actual" sea; public footpath signs; recycling bins; go; express parcel delivery van; palms in tubs on the high street; florists'; untimely onset of Christmas; grub on my Breton shirt.

Red: Ready Salted; sporty hatchbacks; stop; fascia for discount store; Union Jack flag; "SALE" signs; "FOR SALE" signs; "SOLD" signs; butchers' shops; shirt and hat worn by Edward Woodward on the front cover of his cassette, "It Had To Be You", outside second hand shop; swings and climbing frames; Encyclopedia Britannica; tie of animated dummy of key-cutter; untimely onset of Christmas; ball in mouth of Retriever; maple leaves.

Orange: Double Decker; ferns; quirky garage door; "Advertise Your Business Here: 01252 877152 for details"; comedy oversized wooden glasses worn by cut-out of optician; "actual" oversized glasses in window of optician's; berries on pampas grass outside dentist's; fish and chip shop fish; lifeboat on RNLI car sticker.

White: stone lintels on Victorian and Edwardian houses; markings in middle of road (---- ---- ---- ----); Union Jack flag; coat of wooden cut-out of optician; seagulls circling my chips; horses breaking on the beach; van containing electrician I know; electrician I know; upside-down adhesive letters on windscreen of 4x4, "IF YOU CAN READ THIS TURN ME OVER".


This is the fucking archive

Current clown:

18 December 2003. George writes: This List

Most recent ten:

15 December 2003. Jamie writes: Seven Songs
11 December 2003. Dan writes: Spinning Jenny
8 December 2003. Victor writes: Rock Opera
4 December 2003. Matt writes: The Mirrored Spheres of Patagonia
1 December 2003. George writes: Charm
27 November 2003. James writes: On Boxing
24 November 2003. Jamie writes: El Matador del Amor; Or, the Man who Killed Love
20 November 2003. Dan writes: Rights Management
17 November 2003. Victor writes: Walking on Yellow
13 November 2003. Matt writes: Disintermediation
(And alas we lost Neil, who last wrote Cockfosters)

Also by this clown:

8 December 2003. Victor writes: Rock Opera
17 November 2003. Victor writes: Walking on Yellow
27 October 2003. Victor writes: Our Tune
6 October 2003. Victor writes: Sucking face (in a public place)
15 September 2003. Victor writes: You got any ID?
25 August 2003. Victor writes: Blood on the Boulevard
4 August 2003. Victor writes: In (paren)theses
10 July 2003. Victor writes: Island Fling
19 June 2003. Victor writes: Back (back) and forth (and forth)
2 June 2003. Victor writes: 300 clowns, 13 eight-year olds
12 May 2003. Victor writes: The swings and roundabouts of outrageous fortune
21 April 2003. Victor writes: ...just sitting there quietly contemplating suicide
31 March 2003. Victor writes: Victoria
6 March 2003. Victor writes: Relevant experience
17 February 2003. Victor writes: You will eat chips and go nowhere
27 January 2003. Victor writes: A bushy fish for fishy Mr Bush (after Juvenal)
6 January 2003. Victor writes: The Accidental Voyeur
16 December 2002. Victor writes: Gripper goes bang
25 November 2002. Victor writes: Bediquette
4 November 2002. Victor writes: Where have all the spastics gone?
14 October 2002. Victor writes: An Immodest Proposal
23 September 2002. Victor writes: Fastscan masterplan
2 September 2002. Victor writes: Dry Humping Social Club
12 August 2002. Victor writes: Beat the Mongol
22 July 2002. Victor writes: What life is not
1 July 2002. Victor writes: Stupor heroes
6 June 2002. Victor writes: Dry
13 May 2002. Victor writes: Muppet Suite
18 April 2002. Victor writes: gingermingeninja
25 March 2002. Victor writes: Sodomize with Pukka Pies
28 February 2002. Victor writes: Dave's problem
4 February 2002. Victor writes: King of the Aisles
10 January 2002. Victor writes: Here come the decorator gimps.
17 December 2001. Victor writes: Make war, not supper.
22 November 2001. Victor writes: Cough
29 October 2001. Victor writes:
4 October 2001. Victor writes: Green Gauges
10 September 2001. Victor writes: Blind weed
16 August 2001. Victor writes: Snout!
23 July 2001. Victor writes: You're not going to put this in a clown are you?
28 June 2001. Victor writes: What is a droll?
4 June 2001. Victor writes: Burt Pakamak
10 May 2001. Victor writes: Board to Death
12 April 2001. Victor writes: Tricolon with anaphora?
22 March 2001. Victor writes: Point of View
26 February 2001. Victor writes: Goth's Dinner
1 Feburary 2001. Victor writes: Les Miserables
4 January 2001. Victor writes: Flat-packed furniture
14 December 2000. Victor writes: Deliverance
20 November 2000. Victor writes: Bottomry: Exorcising Ghosts
26 October 2000. Victor writes: Body Art
2 October 2000. Victor writes: Disney must die
7 September 2000. Victor writes: Ice-cream in Offworld
14 August 2000. Victor writes: I like sweets that taste of medicine
26 June 2000. Victor writes: I've seen the future, and it's feathered

Let meeeeeee entertain you

We are all Upsideclown: Dan, George, James, Jamie, Matt, Neil, Victor.

Material is (c) respective authors. For everything else, there's

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