* 200 articles. Two years. Whelk. The best of Upsideclown. Might be reprinted.

We Are Your Idea

5 December 2002
James waves goodbye to the good ship Irony.

2/11/02 11:39 GMT

From: Roger Tenement

To: All London Consulting Team

Cc: Amy Canister

Subject: Internal Satirical Newsletter

Dear All,

Since we've passed some significant milestones lately and things have calmed down a bit, I think now is a great time to launch the internal satirical newsletter mooted at the last whole team meeting. I know some people seemed keen then, so if you and any other budding "hacks" out there are interested, please contact Amy Canister and she'll organise the contributory and editorial teams, with the aim of publishing the first issue in time for the next meeting in January.




20/11/02 16:41 GMT

From: Amy Canister

To: James Noteworthy

Subject: Re: Satirical Interest

Dear James,

Thanks for your email. You're more than welcome to attend our next conference call this Friday (connection details are attached). I can also send you the draft articles so far and the minutes from our last meeting if you like. As you can see, there's still room for plenty of suggestions, so anything you can think of would be really helpful - especially from someone with writing credentials like yours.

Amy {attach - newsletter}


25/11/02 13:59 GMT

From: Amy Canister

To: Ruth Battlement, Anthony Digit, Ryan F. Glass, Duncan McDigger,

James Noteworthy, Simon Turnstile

Subject: Action Points from Friday 22nd

Thanks for attending the conference call on Friday. These are the points dicussed/actions:

1. Cosmo-style quiz (i.e. What type of Manager are you?). Duncan to get final draft to me by 17th Dec.

2. Top 10 Ways to Make Partner. Good idea Simon - Dec 17th for draft please.

3. Ryan will take digital camera to Christmas party with aim of producing a "what not to wear" spread with captions etc.

4. Celebrity look-alikes in the team. Ruth will start compiling this, so give any more ideas to her.

5. Agony Aunt page. Duncan/Simon to complete final draft for 17th Dec.

6. Anthony will finish the "jargonese" article, and get it to me for 17th Dec.

7. Editorial intro. James to get this to me by 17th Dec.

We've got plenty of ideas now to fill up at least the first issue, and it's beginning to look really good! How is the 6th of Dec for the next meeting? Also, Simon and I discussed doing something quick for the team meeting next week - just some funny slides/movies with captions etc. and a flyer to put on chairs. James, could you do some copy for the flyer in line with the plans for the editorial?

Kind regards



28/11/02 09:44 GMT

From: James Noteworthy

To: Amy Canister

Subject: Re: Edited version of flyer

Hi Amy,

That's disappointing - those were the best bits! All the people I've shown it too thought it was good and that there was no reason not to go with it. I just think it falls a little flat by taking away the sharper bits. I'm just worried that our target audience will just see it as a bit crap - especially if obvious opportunities to have a real dig aren't taken. If we're going to focus on satire, then I think that Roger should be at least slightly prepared to reap what he's sown. Otherwise it may just degenerate into periodical of weak jokes that no-one reads.

And I don't see why he's objected to "tingling almost coital anticipation" for a batch run! It's not a school magazine!

Anyway, if there's nothing that we can do to spice it up, then I guess that's that. I'm just venting my views. I will bear all this in mind for my upcoming editorial bit - I'll get it to you in the next few days. Please let me know what Roger thinks of it.




2/12/02 11:32 GMT

From: Roger Tenement

To: All London Consulting Team

Cc: Amy Canister

Subject: James Noteworthy

It is with great regret that I must announce that James Noteworthy (Analyst, Core Solutions Team) has been taken seriously ill and will not be returning to work. His family have requested that they and he be left in peace in order to help his recovery, so I strongly urge everyone not to attempt to contact him or his family.

A new member, Sophie Cropfurrow, with be joining in his place. We will be holding New Joiner Drinks in the Cross & Cable tomorrow night from 7.




This is the fucking archive

Current clown:

18 December 2003. George writes: This List

Most recent ten:

15 December 2003. Jamie writes: Seven Songs
11 December 2003. Dan writes: Spinning Jenny
8 December 2003. Victor writes: Rock Opera
4 December 2003. Matt writes: The Mirrored Spheres of Patagonia
1 December 2003. George writes: Charm
27 November 2003. James writes: On Boxing
24 November 2003. Jamie writes: El Matador del Amor; Or, the Man who Killed Love
20 November 2003. Dan writes: Rights Management
17 November 2003. Victor writes: Walking on Yellow
13 November 2003. Matt writes: Disintermediation
(And alas we lost Neil, who last wrote Cockfosters)

Also by this clown:

27 November 2003. James writes: On Boxing
16 October 2003. James writes: Jakesy's School of Urban Driving
24 September 2003. James writes: Chapter One
4 September 2003. James writes: The Silicon Soul
14 August 2003. James writes: A Room With 100 Seats
24 July 2003. James writes: English For Beginners
3 July 2003. James writes: Coldplay are crap. Discuss.
9 June 2003. James writes: It Takes All Sorts
22 May 2003. James writes: Lesson 2: Buying his Gran for a tenner
1 May 2003. James writes: Rosencrantz and Leytonstone
10 April 2003. James writes: Character Building
20 March 2003. James writes: So This Is It. What Are We Going To Do About It?
27 February 2003. James writes: Street Level Zero
6 February 2003. James writes: Reference: James Noteworthy
16 January 2003. James writes: Kissing George Clooney for just £99!
26 December 2002. James writes: Hongkong In Four Tableaux
5 December 2002. James writes: We Are Your Idea
14 November 2002. James writes: The Knight Of Spring Fervent
24 October 2002. James writes: Go On, Be Honest
7 October 2002. James writes: Cold Comfort
12 September 2002. James writes: Peas In A Pod
22 August 2002. James writes: Seed Investment
1 August 2002. James writes: We Are QPR
11 July 2002. James writes: The Road to Ossuna
20 June 2002. James writes: Pret A Teleporter
27 May 2002. James writes: A Play On Words
2 May 2002. James writes: Labour Saving Device
8 April 2002. James writes: Beggaring Belief
14 March 2002. James writes: Small Things
18 February 2002. James writes: Drop Dead Letters
24 January 2002. James writes: High-Rise Rhapsody
27 December 2001. James writes: My drift's too hip to resist.
6 December 2001. James writes: My Lord Has No Nose
12 November 2001. James writes: A Job For Life
18 October 2001. James writes: Which is the cleverest animal?
24 September 2001. James writes: Interview With An Automatum
30 August 2001. James writes: Each To Their Own
6 August 2001. James writes: An Escape, In Sonata Form
12 July 2001. James writes: Truckloads Of Goodies
18 June 2001. James writes: There's No Such Thing As A Coincidence
24 May 2001. James writes: It's All True - The Paper Says So
30 April 2001. James writes: A Letter From Prisyn
16 April 2001. James writes: I Quit
15 March 2001. James writes: An Essay In Procrastination
15 February 2001. James writes: Confessions Of An English Sand-Eater
22 January 2001. James writes: The Future And The Pasta
28 December 2000. James writes: Never drink with men in red
4 December 2000. James writes: The Underground
9 November 2000. James writes: Right answer. Wrong answer
16 October 2000. James writes: The March of Proudfoot: Part I
21 September 2000. James writes: You haven't got a chance
28 August 2000. James writes: Bad, man. Wicked
24 July 2000. James writes: I play games with street lamps

Let meeeeeee entertain you

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