Labour Saving Device
2 May 2002
Congratulations on your purchase of HomeStork (TM), setting the standard in personal domestic gestation devices for the past eight years. Hailed as a great leap forward in gender equality and family planning, it has been argued that this device, more than any other modern home convenience, has fundamentally caused changes in society.
The male dominance of society - universally recognised, constantly theorised upon, and very much maligned. It permeates every human culture to such an extent that most sociologists and philosophers would agree that it is inevitable. Feminist movements strive to understand this phenomenon and attempt to either subvert or influence it. The quest for gender equality most often taken a political shape, lobbying to recognise the economic value of the traditional female role as child bearer and home-maker, and to ensure that simply being female does not naturally hinder the opportunities a woman may have.
There is a very simple cause for the gender inequality that is so obvious that it has not been examined or challenged to any reasonable extent. The fact of the matter is that women can bear children, and must do so for the species to survive. Pure and basic biology. Having a child is a traumatic physical experience, and means that any other sort of activities a woman partakes in (i.e. career, sport, even social life) must take second place during the lengthy gestation period. After the child is born, it is only natural that the mother takes on the main burden of child care, as a significant amount of time has already been devoted to the child during gestation. Political or economic solutions are not going to challenge this biological fact, and will only serve to strengthen the gender imbalance in society. A biological question requires a biological answer...
Inside this box you will find all the equipment necessary to complete your home gestation, excluding of course nutrient refills. After the starter pack enclosed has been used or expired, more can be purchased from any reputable supermarket or pharmacy.
The brushed chrome/aluminium cylindrical framework (80cm length, 40cm diameter) forms the body of your HomeStork. Attach the fastenings securely to the ceiling of your selected room, and suspend the HomeStork framework from the attachments using the chain provided. There are detailed instructions and safety tips provided in the Attachments Pack. Suspending the HomeStork from the ceiling ensures several things: it is exposed to as warm and as constant external temperature as possible, it is kept safe from bumps and knocks, and it is conveniently out of your way. We strongly recommend that you purchase a strong folding ladder that is tall enough for you to reach the Nutrient Tube comfortably without stretching.
Upon the implantation of a fertilised egg, a fermentation-like reaction slowly fills the framework with a creamy froth. This then gradually hardens on the outside to provide airtight seal, proper insulation, as well as a degree cushioning protection in case of an accident. (Please note that while all effort has been made to ensure that your baby will survive unharmed if the bracket breaks, this can not be guaranteed. Ensure that the bracket is fastened correctly according to the instructions provided, and high quality fixings are used. If in doubt, contact a professional.) Your child will grow safely and healthily in the comfort of your HomeStork, so long as the Nutrient Tube is regularly topped-up.
The Nutrient Tube is the clear plastic tube in the top of your HomeStork. It is clearly marked with "Min" and "Max" lines to ensure that you know what level of nutrient to add. The constant addition of good quality nutrient is vital for the well-being of your baby, as this feeds the Virtual Placenta and ensures your baby receives oxygen as well as the energy required to grow. IF YOU DO NOT KEEP THE NUTRIENT TUBE FILLED, THERE IS A DANGER YOUR BABY WILL DIE. We have endeavoured to make keeping the Nutrient Tube topped-up as easy as possible by providing a Timer Alarm with every HomeStork. Follow the instruction provided, and this will give a useful guide as to when nutrient is due to be added, even waking you in the night is need be.
There have been many scare stories about the use of HomeStork as a gestation device, especially claims such as "it puts my baby at risk or abnormality". Science provides us with evidence that means it is easy for us to refute this - births from HomeStorks are statistically less likely to yield birth defects, and what's more, mortality rates among mothers and/or babies are greatly reduced.
In addition to the obvious physical advantages of not having the trauma of child birth, using the HomeStork means that parents can truly share the child rearing experience. Mothers no longer have to take lengthy maternity leave if they do not wish to. Fathers gain from having more share of the contact with the child throughout the process. HomeStork is a technological innovation that provides a truly level standing between men and women in the family for the first time in human history. In addition, family structures other than the traditional nuclear can gain from using HomeStork. And once your child is born, please browse the catalogues included in this pack for hundreds of great deals of baby products and parenting guides!
If used correctly, the HomeStork will ensure a healthy gestation and birth, with no risk to the mother or baby. If you have any questions on the product or on the extra-maternal gestation process in general, please do not hesitate to contact us here at HomeStork. We are always happy to serve our customers.
Enjoy our product and best of luck with the addition to your family!